We’ve all been there. We put on a brave face at parties but all women – whether it’s stay at home moms or girls who work a forty hour week and have thousands of Facebook “friends” – we all feel lonely at some point.
Part of what makes us humans is our desire for connection. We are social beings that need human interactions to feel wanted, loved, and appreciated. Not to get too philosophical, but I’m pretty sure that Aristotle guy was on to something when he wrote about it thousands of years ago. (Google: Humans are social beings – Aristotle)
Loneliness isn’t a situation it’s a feeling. And when I’m feeling lonely (I don’t know about you) I also feel unpopular, unwanted, always wrong and ugly.
There are usually a couple reasons I get the lonelys:
1. Somebody Hurts You – When the people closest to us hurt us, it cuts deep. And it’s all downhill from there. It starts the cycle of feeling that you can’t trust anyone, nobody understands you, you’ll never have a good friend, and you’ll never really connect with anyone.
2. Embarrassment – If you claim that you don’t get embarrassed, you’re lying. We’ve all been embarrassed at some point. I feel like an isolated weirdo when I’m embarrassed in front of people I respect or love and all I want to do is go under my fuzzy green blanket and sleep for forever.
So, that’s all good and depressing. So, how do you stop feeling lonely? How do you pull yourself out of an isolating funk that just won’t quit? I’ve got a few ideas but I’d love to hear some of yours.
1. Do Unto Others – Whether I want to admit it or not, loneliness is a very selfish feeling. “Nobody loves me.” “I am so alone.” “Nobody wants to be my friend.” One way I’ve found that helps get my happy juices flowing is to do something for somebody else. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Bake cookies for someone, do the dishes for your roommate, donate soup to a homeless shelter. Anything! Get outside yourself. You might be surprised how you feel afterwards.
2. Sing. Sing really, really loud – Don’t even try to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. (I keep a hairbrush in my car. Can’t sing if you don’t have a mic, right?) Bump up the jams and sing like you’ve got pipes like Aretha Franklin. It’s okay to laugh at yourself. You may even find that you’re smiling by the chorus. Baby, you’re a firework.
3. Time out – Take a deep breath. Heck, take an hour and try to objectively look at why you feel lonely. Realize that you won’t always feel like this. Think about those times you felt truly loved and appreciated. Write them down if the mood strikes you! As Viola Davis says so eloquently in The Help,”You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” I know it’s hard, but try not to forget it.
Side note, it’s okay to cry. I’m pretty sure some scientist said that you are actually getting rid of toxins when you have a good cry. Let it out. Pope John Paul II said, “It’s better to cry than to be angry, because anger hurts others while tears flow silently through the heart and cleanse the soul.” This guy knows what he’s talking about.
I will be the first one to admit that all of these are easier said than done. But just try it. Have other ways to break out of a lonely funk? #BBBLoneliness