Starting Out

I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to launch a family tab on BBB for a couple weeks now. It seemed dishonest to begin this part of this blog only when Matt and I can say we are expecting.

Don’t get excited. That’s not what I’m getting to with this post.

But I want to be honest with you all so that when we do begin that chapter of our lives, it doesn’t seem like it came out of nowhere. And to be honest, I want you to know that it was hard-fought and my life isn’t just a series of perfectly filtered and curated blog posts.

Matt and I have been married almost four years now. We got married my senior year of college and I fully expected to be heavily pregnant on graduation day. Obviously that didn’t happen. To simplify things and to use the words of Meredith Grey, let’s just say I have a “hostile uterus.” Between structural issues and “erratic hormones”, the whole conceiving a baby situation for us has been anything but easy.

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Seeking answers and treatments has included extremely painful exams, surgery, various medications, vitamins, stretching regimens, chiropractic care, physical therapy, charting, blood tests, and more painful exams. There have been lots of tears. And lots of prayers.

But there came a moment, during a conversation with my husband, when I realized how grateful I am — we are — for this struggle. We’ve had the chance to grow closer because of this. I appreciate my mom and dad so much more because of this. I’ve matured and grown because of this. I am more empathetic because of this. I pray harder because of this. I’ve learned to let go and let God, because of this. This struggle has made me better and strengthened our marriage in ways that I cannot put into words.

Though Matt and I haven’t faced too much financial uncertainty, when and how we will start a family is anything but certain. But we press on.

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We all have our crosses to bear. And it’s easy for me to get sucked into thinking that mine is the worst; no one understands; I will always feel this way. But that’s not true. What is true is that when we hold our first child, we will look back on this time, this cross, and be thankful. Thankful for growth, struggle, and family.

The family section of this blog will probably have a lot to do with DIYs, cork floors, and vintage kitchen appliances. But we all know what makes a family. And I can’t wait to start ours.