Stop Being Insecure

First of all, a confession: It literally took me an hour to decide how I would start this post. This topic has been on my mind a lot recently and I just wanted to share my thoughts on the subject of insecurities within relationships.

My parents raised me to be a very independent person. Not to the point where I shouted, “I don’t need no man!” from the rooftops, or anything, but they showed me that I’m an individual with an opinion, a voice all my own, and a personality that deserves to be heard. But when I started dating and entering into relationships, I really began to see how easy it is for your identity to become so tethered to that other person that you can no longer make decisions or have an opinion without consulting the other first.

That sounds really extreme and maybe a little cray. But I’m not just talking about disagreeing on big things like faith, politics or morality. I’m talking about the little things, too.

“What do you want for dinner?” “Oh, whatever you want.”

“What movie you want to see?” “Oh, it’s up to you. I don’t care.”

Insecurity can even show up when it comes to positive situations. You like this guy, you don’t want to disagree with him. He won’t like you if you do… right?

“I didn’t really like that movie.”
“Oh umm, I know right?! Totally hated it. We hated it.”

I think most people, including myself, are guilty of this in one way or another. But guys, listen, it really is okay to disagree with your significant other. Really! It is. Have an opinion. Be heard. Let that person you’re with learn about you. Maybe you hate action movies and Taco Bell. Good for you! Scream it, sister.

You can have a disagreement or difference of opinion — big or small. When you come to a compromise together, by communicating and voicing your own feelings and opinions, that’s how you become closer to each other. You understand each other in a way that you never would have if you just pretended to agree all the time. Because you’re in a relationship, you might agree far more often than you disagree, but personally, I love a good argument… especially about movies!

I’ll be the first one to admit that it’s easier to just bow out sometimes. To not voice your opinion and avoid any sort of confrontation. You don’t want to risk a fight. A blow up. Retreating is okay for a while, but eventually, it’ll just lead to a level of dysfunction within the relationship, resentment, and hurt.

Stop being insecure. Say what you want! (In a polite way, of course.) I don’t mean disagreeing for disagreements sake either. I mean truly, genuinely communicating. And, sometimes communicating involves disagreeing. It’s natural, that the more you care for someone, the harder it is to stand up and disagree with them. But if your significant other is one worth keeping, they’ll respect someone who has a backbone, chimes in when they’ve got something to say, and voices their own opinion.

I’ll close with a quote by Frydor Dostoyevsky, “Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” Don’t leave things unsaid between someone who you may be spending the rest of your life with.

HOLIDAYFOOD

4 Ways To Eat During The Holidays… With Food Allergies

Having food allergies is a major pain but can be especially difficult during the holidays. You either end up feeling left out of the fun or have to awkwardly dance your way around the issue when you’re invited to parties. While the holidays may force you out of your regular food habits, there is no need to despair of enjoying the season.  We’ve  put together a quick guide for not only surviving, but thriving during the holidays with food allergies.

1. Speak up. If you’re invited to a party or get-together, don’t be afraid to gently remind your host or hostess about your allergy. If he or she is truly a friend, they will graciously accept the reminder and go out of their way to make sure your food needs are met. Also, don’t be afraid to ask what when into a particular dish when you show up. It could save you a lot of grief.

2. Party up. If you’re very allergic, or just worried you won’t be able to enjoy yourself thinking about all the potential food traps, host your own party. You don’t have to go out of your way to make it an extravagant celebration, but inviting friends to come to you can make sure you’re in control of food prep. Also consider roping in your friends to help cook. Not only will they’ll learn what kinds of things you can eat, but also how to prepare them.

3. Cook up. Indulge in your favorite dish. Whip up a batch of your favorite allergy friendly food and bring it with you to social gatherings. Its a chance to share part of your life with those around you while gently making them aware of your needs. And chances are they will love being introduced to your special dish.

4. Live it up. Don’t become preoccupied with the constraint food allergies might put on your holiday adventures. Christmas and New Year’s are about so much more than that. Have fun with family and friends: go ice skating or sledding, have fun making decorations and crafts, celebrate with dancing and music and laughter. At the end of the day, your memories aren’t going to be built primarily on what you ate for dinner.

Where to shop: 

Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods have an array of products and foods that are compatible with most common allergies such as wheat, soy, dairy and nuts. Although, Trader Joe’s chocolate is not soy allergy friendly. My friend B. who is soy/dairy allergic suggests trying Vivani chocolate which you can buy on Amazon.com.

BAROQUE

4 2012 Trends I Was Afraid To Try

I love trendy clothes, guys. But I will be the first one to admit that it can be a little scary to try a new trend that might be a little outside your comfort zone. People might think you’re a freak show if you don’t pull it off with the effortless air of a true fashionista, right? Well, that’s how I feel anyway. I usually end up trying half the trendy things I’d like to. Below is the list of recent trends that I was too afraid to try.

 

 

 

 

 

1. Top Knots

Okay, listen. I have a large forehead. It’s a big deal. My Mother’s first words to me were, “Honey, we are going to be heavily into bonnets.” I’ve sort of grown into it since then, but I’ve always been self concious about it. My hairstyle for the rest of my life WILL include bangs. My woes about showing off my 500 yard forehead have caused me to forever fear updos – top knots included. They seem so easy and sophisticated, though!

 

2. Headscarves

Now, I like rocking a good headband. One of my favorite go-tos on a bad hair day. I’ll even do a head scarf at home whilst cleaning. doing laundry, etc. But I have yet to work up the courage to wear a headscarf, as pictured below, out and about, to shoot or the like.

 

3. Big Graphic Sweaters

These are another one of my “stay in the house” trends. Maybe I feel like it’s too big for my body or it’s eating me alive or something. But then I see a sassy lady on the street sporting one of these awesome sweaters and a top-knot and I’m like, she looks so trendy!

 

4. Baroque

You don’t have to be a a royal anymore to rock opulent brocades or tapestry prints. You do have to be confident and pair it with the right staple pieces. I haven’t quite cracked this one for my own personal style yet but this is one I definitely want to add to my closet.

Who knows, maybe 2013 will be trend trying year!

Have you been able to rock these trends? Any tips for those who are a little timid trying something out of their comfort zone?

CLOSET

Reinvent Your Closet

There comes a point in every lady’s life where we look at our closets and simply think none of this will do. Then, we immediately start thinking about how big our budgets are for our next shopping spree at Target. There is hope! There are little things we can do to prevent us from running out to replenish our wardrobe at the first glance of distaste.

We human beings like seasons. We like change. Every so often we need a little spice in our lives, so we rearrange our rooms or re-decorate our apartments. I propose if we rearrange, reorganize, and re-decorate our closets we wouldn’t want to flee from them. Just as we like to spend more time in our newly decorated and rearranged rooms, we will enjoy picking out outfits after we spruce up our space.

This can be especially refreshing if you have a spacious walk-in closet. For the post-grad ladies who are sporting a one-bedroom apartment there is still hope.

1. Color-coding is a great way to start; it’s an easy way to change things up especially if your closet is small. There is something about a color-coded closet. It looks grown up, professional, and it looks like you know a thing or two about fashion. And that never hurts.

2. Compartments – Ikea has many crafty tools that can be used for a project such at this one. An excellent one to splurge on is the Komplement Multi-Use Hanger. It holds scarves, belts, etc. It’s a nice way to keep all scarves and wraps together instead of draping them over anything in your room that will hold them. This also helps to keep your accessories in sight so you don’t forget about them stored away in a drawer.

3. Mix-up the shoes! If you are currently keeping your shoes organized on shelving space in your closet, it is time to rearrange. Put the flats with the flats and heels with the heels. If you’re anything like me, you’ll leave a spot for your boots, but it will be left empty nine times out of ten, as your boots will end up scattered about your room. Leave a space anyway.

4. Get crafty. A big thing right now is to have inspiration boards hanging in your closet. Try it out. If, again, your closet is the size of a hole, hang the board on the inside of the door. Be creative.

There it is. A simple 4 ways to reinvent your closet. There’s nothing worse than going to pick out an outfit and being completely turned off. Remember to change it up frequently and keep it fresh. You’ll be so happy; you’ll start picking out outfits the night before.