“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.” – George Washington
Three dates down and two more planned for next week. You’ve found a great date and any day now he’s going to introduce you as, “my girlfriend”. Butterflies! He makes you laugh, he’s sweet to his Mom, and he’s just so easy to talk to! You want to tell him everything that’s ever happened in your life and you want him to tell you the same.
So, you do! You tell him things that you’ve never told anyone. Things that are painful, intimate, and personal. The events and moments that made you the person you are today. Details that you would be embarrassed to tell anyone else, but this guy, he just gets you. It’s a little scary, but with every new detail he learns about you, the more you know that he’s perfect… so the more you tell him.
Sharing details about your life with someone who truly wants to listen can be an incredible and life changing experience. For women, connecting and talking with our significant other, and them responding and sharing with us, is one of the biggest ways that we feel loved and emotionally bonded to them. Knowing that someone cares about what you have to say and them feeling secure within the relationship to confide in you – that’s the stuff that lasting relationships are built on.
But when should you start all of the sharing? If you spill your guts to someone on the second date, then three days later they dump you, it’s pretty safe to say that that break up will hit you much harder than if you hadn’t opened up so soon and so much. You shared part of yourself with them? How could they not care after that?
When I first started dating, my Mom showed me the quote, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Good thing to keep in mind. But, how can you start to develop a relationship with someone if you are constantly on guard?
I think the first thing to admit is that if you want to have a relationship with anyone, romantic or not, it’s going to involve some level of vulnerability and with that comes the chance the you will get your heart broken. If you’re supposed to get married, you’re going to get your heart beat-up at least a couple times along the way the way to “happy ever after”. I’ve been guilty of blurring that line between sharing and oversharing a time or two and experienced the heartbreak that goes with it. But in my experience, the heart breaks made finding love that really is forever that much better.
To close this post out I just want to say that if you are in the sharing and learning stage of a relationship – fantastic! Enjoy the incredible experience of connecting with another human being. But, don’t forgot about the future. Think about what you are sharing and giving away in those moments of connection. And, if you are experiencing the heartbreak part of loving someone, it’s okay that you are crazy sad. Cry. Let it out. Know that because you are experiencing the feeling of being unloved and rejected, you are becoming a person who is more capable of true compassion and love.