First of all, a confession: It literally took me an hour to decide how I would start this post. This topic has been on my mind a lot recently and I just wanted to share my thoughts on the subject of insecurities within relationships.
My parents raised me to be a very independent person. Not to the point where I shouted, “I don’t need no man!” from the rooftops, or anything, but they showed me that I’m an individual with an opinion, a voice all my own, and a personality that deserves to be heard. But when I started dating and entering into relationships, I really began to see how easy it is for your identity to become so tethered to that other person that you can no longer make decisions or have an opinion without consulting the other first.
That sounds really extreme and maybe a little cray. But I’m not just talking about disagreeing on big things like faith, politics or morality. I’m talking about the little things, too.
“What do you want for dinner?” “Oh, whatever you want.”
“What movie you want to see?” “Oh, it’s up to you. I don’t care.”
Insecurity can even show up when it comes to positive situations. You like this guy, you don’t want to disagree with him. He won’t like you if you do… right?
“I didn’t really like that movie.”
“Oh umm, I know right?! Totally hated it. We hated it.”
I think most people, including myself, are guilty of this in one way or another. But guys, listen, it really is okay to disagree with your significant other. Really! It is. Have an opinion. Be heard. Let that person you’re with learn about you. Maybe you hate action movies and Taco Bell. Good for you! Scream it, sister.
You can have a disagreement or difference of opinion — big or small. When you come to a compromise together, by communicating and voicing your own feelings and opinions, that’s how you become closer to each other. You understand each other in a way that you never would have if you just pretended to agree all the time. Because you’re in a relationship, you might agree far more often than you disagree, but personally, I love a good argument… especially about movies!
I’ll be the first one to admit that it’s easier to just bow out sometimes. To not voice your opinion and avoid any sort of confrontation. You don’t want to risk a fight. A blow up. Retreating is okay for a while, but eventually, it’ll just lead to a level of dysfunction within the relationship, resentment, and hurt.
Stop being insecure. Say what you want! (In a polite way, of course.) I don’t mean disagreeing for disagreements sake either. I mean truly, genuinely communicating. And, sometimes communicating involves disagreeing. It’s natural, that the more you care for someone, the harder it is to stand up and disagree with them. But if your significant other is one worth keeping, they’ll respect someone who has a backbone, chimes in when they’ve got something to say, and voices their own opinion.
I’ll close with a quote by Frydor Dostoyevsky, “Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” Don’t leave things unsaid between someone who you may be spending the rest of your life with.